Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Disney/LucasFilm/Quantum Piett

Herve: HOLY FLURF!!!!
Piett: NGAHHHHRRHHAAAAAHHHHRRRGHHHH!!!!!

[Piett falls off his lounger as Herve jumps up looking at his iPhone.]

Piett: Don't DO THAT!!!
Herve: Dude! Haven't you heard?!
Piett: I heard my soul just die a thousand painful deaths!!
Herve: Disney bought LucasFilm!!!!
Piett: WHAT?!?!
Herve: Disney bought LucasFilm!!!!
Piett: WHAT?!?!
Herve: Disney bought--
Piett: I FUCKING HEARD YOU!!!!!
Herve: WHY ARE YOU TELLING LIKE THAT?!?
Piett: I DON'T KNOW! WHY ARE YOU?!?!
Herve: AHHHHHHH!!!!!
Piett: AHHHHHHH!!!!!
Herve: AHHHHHHH!!!!!

¤°`°¤ø,¸¸,ø¤°`°¤ø,¸¸,ø¤°`°¤ø

Counselor Troi: This has been happening a lot today. Recorded instances all over the world are detailing how people are littering the internet with profane postings of confused opinion and simultaneous delight.....people in the business world being rendered catatonic at the thought of the largest entertainment deal of our time.....all-around critics almost literally crushed by the angst of their hatred for the prequels and love of the possibilities of this creative endeavor. The conflict at work here is extraordinary. This one thing has affected so many people, so many lives, and so many fragile psyches. This may go down as one of the most fascinating psychological moments in human history.

[Pause]

Piett: I'm sorry. I'm only just now realizing that our therapist's name is Counselor Troi.
Herve: I'm just realizing we've been attending therapy. More than once, it seems. [pause] This should explain things, but it only makes me question MORE things.
Piett: Why are you lying on this sofa with me?
Herve: I'm so alone.

[Piett gets up, forcing Herve to the floor in a thump.]

Piett: So what do we do?
Counselor Troi: What do you mean?
Piett: How do we live with this? What does this mean for the rest of our lives?
Counselor Troi: Um.....you deal with it?
Piett: Really? That's your professional opinion?
Counselor Troi: You just showed up and started talking about how this Disney/LucasFilm business-entertainment deal is for whatever reason driving you bonkers, and you murdered everyone in my waiting room in order to get in here first. To be fair, I did the only sensible thing in letting you ramble and allow me to make some semblance of sense to it.

[Pause]

Piett: Wow. This has really fucked me up.
Counselor Troi: You are not alone. Now please, get out of my office before I call the police.
Herve: Dude, chillax. The world ends in December anyway. So just drink and be merry or something. We'll never live to see this...[pats him on the side]...whatever the hell it is.

[Piett and Herve leave the therapist's office. Troi follows them into the waiting area, watches them leave, then sighs.......then, as the door to the office closes, rolls up his sleeves and gets some trash bags, bleach and surgical tools to deal with the dead people littering his floor.]

*fin*

No comments:

Post a Comment